An Offer You Can't Refuse
by thearcherballet
Summary: Some non-sensical Jily One-Shot influenced by The Godfather and James' love for dramatics.


_Please excuse me, it is choppy and the reason I wrote this is because I hit the 500th follower on Tumblr and as a prize, the 500th follower could ask for a drabble (which evolved into a one-shot as I kept writing). Enjoy, lovelies!_

* * *

"You really are mad."

"You know it's going to work!" James exclaimed as he smirked at Remus.

"Prongs, it is _not_ going to work!" Remus had spent the last half hour listening to his mate's newest idea and he was growing even more exasperated by the minute.

James sighed dramatically. "You have so little faith in me, Moony. I am truly disappointed."

"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed, "Knock some sense into this madman."

"I gotta say it's quite hilarious. I want to see the results," Sirius said between laughs.

"Peter?" James asked as he looked at the last Marauder.

"I second Padfoot. It's barking mad, but Merlin…" Peter said as he shook his head at his friend's antics.

James closed his eyes as he nodded in agreement. "Yes! Majority wins this time, Moony."

Remus smacked his face with the palm of his hands desperately. "I'm still not helping you on this one. Lily's my friend and I've seen the hexes she throws at you. I prefer my face as it is now, thank you very much," he said pointedly to James. "Now, if you'll excuse me I need to warn a certain Head Girl about her newest best friend's madness," James opened his mouth in protest but he continued, "No, I won't tell her about your most recent plot. I'll just hint that you're a raving lunatic and that she'd better watch out." At that, Remus picked up his bag and rolled his eyes at his friends as he went out muttering under his breath about barmy friends.

James shrugged at his retreating friend. "Personally, I think this plan is flawless. It's the most genius thing I've ever come up with."

Sirius and Peter looked at each other from their beds and simply rolled their eyes in amusement.

"So, where do we start?" Sirius said to James with a smirk.

The Genius grinned at his friends and clapped his hands to commence their ingenious plan.

* * *

"You're joking right?"

"I'm unfortunately not!"

"You can't seriously tell me that James is planning something idiotic and then not tell me the details!" Lily Evans said as he hit Remus on his shoulder, annoyed.

"I'm sorry!" Remus said as he rubbed the target of Lily's current irritation. "I promised the idiot not to tell you the details, just that I would hint at what he's doing."

They were both walking down the castle's corridors on their way to that night's Prefects Meeting. It had been two days since James spewed his plot to the Marauders, and Remus had to tell Lily to beware of his mates. Plus, he had a feeling it was going to happen soon, and he didn't want Lily mad at him.

Imagine his surprise, though, when he opened the doors of the Prefect and Head's Office, and the room was empty. Remus checked his watch. It was already 6:30pm. "I thought you'd planned the meeting for this time?"

He looked over at Lily and saw her brow furrowed confusedly. "I did," she said.

"Then, why is it—" his question was cut short when the doors slammed shut behind them and the lights went out. Lily immediately grabbed Remus' arm as she took out her wand from her cloak and whispered '_Lumos_'. Her wand emitted some light and she directed it towards the doors. The both of them tried to open the doors, but they wouldn't budge.

Remus was getting frustrated and took out his own wand and tried to unlock the door magically. No such luck. As he was about to try another spell, he froze. Lily nudged him, alarmed. "Remus, what's wrong?" she whispered.

He groaned and slammed his head against the door in front of him. "I should've known," he mumbled.

"Remus, what are you talking about?" Lily said as she nudged him, but Remus turned around and leaned back against the door with his eyes closed as if he were experiencing some internal pain. Lily was frantic. "Remus, hey, don't freak me out! What's happening?" she whispered harshly.

They heard the snap of someone's fingers from the darkness.

"That," he simply said.

Lily jumped as she heard music coming seemingly from nowhere. She recognized the song as the starting notes from a piano went through her ears.

"Lily of the Valley," she whispered softly to herself, but the song changed. Lily recognized this song too and had to control the urge to roll her eyes at this one. "Why is the theme song for 'The Godfather' playing?"

"Because I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse," a booming voice said from within the room. A spotlight appeared upon the chair reserved for the Head Boy, which was currently revolving. Lily let out a loud guffaw when she saw the man sitting in it, putting her hand over her mouth to smother her laughter.

The man was wearing a black and white tuxedo with a rose pinned to his suit's breast pocket. In his hands, a sleeping Mrs. Norris (Lily was not going to ask). His face looked as if he had a dozen cotton balls in his mouth mixed with a Stinging Hex, bloating his face and contorting it. The funniest thing though, was his hair. The normally incorrigible hair had been slicked completely back, not a hair out of place.

James Potter had turned himself into Don Corleone.

"Oh, Merlin," Lily managed to gasp. Her eyebrows were practically at her hairline.

Remus was apparently still affected. "I know," he groaned.

"Lily, we have known each other many years, but this is the first time you've come to me for counsel or for help. I can't remember the last time you invited me to your house for a cup of coffee, even though my wife is godmother to your only child. But let's be frank here. You never wanted my friendship," James said (more like mumbled) with a bad Italian accent.

Lily rolled her eyes and then smirked at his direction. "I didn't want to get into trouble," she deadpanned.

"God, she's just as bad as he is," Remus thought as he abandoned all hope he had for his friends.

"I understand," James said as he nodded and pet the sleeping cat. Then, he froze, his mouth gaping like a fish. "I forgot what came next," he continued, still in character.

"I noticed. Listen, Potter, did you cancel the meeting just for this?" Lily said looking amused.

"I did, and who is this Potter? You address me as The Godfather," James said.

Lily laughed at his craziness. And yet, his craziness drove her crazy. "Could you cut to the chase? You know this is practically kidnapping. I'm the hostage of a mad man!" Remus cleared his throat. "He's a hostage too, but he's not that important," she brushed off as she shrugged towards him.

To this, Remus just said "Well!" and continued to boil in silence, still annoyed at James. And Lily, now.

"This does not matter. I want you to come with me to Hogsmeade. It's about time we left behind all the silly pretenses because I know that you like me," he stated.

"Please, do tell me more about this fantastic bit of information," she drawled, trying not to keep laughing at his idiocy.

"I'm The Godfather, I know these things," James said with a small shrug as he lifted Mrs. Norris' paw towards his face.

"Then, you might know that I was going to ask you out tonight anyway, but it seems like you beat me to it," Lily sighed as she casually observed her fingernails.

"Well—what?" James said.

"You heard me, Godfather," Lily stated.

"And yet, you let me continue this charade! Just—" he rushed to his feet and took out his wand, lifting the temporary charm on his face. He attempted to mess his hair like he did regularly, but he frowned when it didn't move from its current state.

He turned back to Lily, who was still reclined to the table. James took out his glasses from his trousers pocket and placed them on his face. Remus stared at the pair with a bored expression.

"For the love of Merlin, just kiss and let me get out!" Remus groaned.

"Shut it!" James said while laughing and walking towards Lily. "Am I allowed a kiss before our date?"

He stood right in front of her as he grinned crookedly, his hands behind his back to control himself. The fronts of their shoes were practically touching, and Lily could have easily elevated herself and brushed her lips upon James'. Instead, she smirked up at him and with the stealth that she'd perfected over the course of the years, she sashayed away from him. "Gotta keep you on your toes, Corleone." With that, she winked up at him and walked away with a small spring to her step while she whistled "Lily of the Valley".

James released a sigh as the doors miraculously opened at that moment. He was about to tell Remus something when her face popped back to the entrance of the room. "The deal was sealed when I heard the song. It's my favorite," she said with a grin and went on her way once more.

James laughed breathily and turned to Remus' place at the table. "And you thought I was mad and it wasn't going to work."

"You're still mad, though," he grumbled to his mate. But, it didn't matter, because at least it worked and even though James was crazy, it was all for her, and he knew that she was equally mad as him. And that meant everything in the world.

* * *

_PS: after reviewing it one last time I noticed I said "The Genius... ingenious" in the same sentence but I'm tired and I can't be bothered to change it... oh well! love you! -thearcherballet_


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